For the 20th anniversary of Illmatic i decided to highlight Nas as well as the producers that made the album the masterpiece that it was. I gathered up different beats from Primo, Pete Rock, Large Professor, Q-Tip and L.E.S. and went bezerk real quick. I do so much production that i forgot how much fun it is to just catch wreck over a classic beat you grew up on. I sequenced their beats to match the tracklist on Illmatic and i also got Tone Blunt to fill in the Brooklyn guest spot role.
I also used lines from Illmatic to title the freestyle.
The second part of the tape is me remixing Illmatic era Nas. It was dope to zone out to the vocals and really appreciate how incredible he is as a lyricist.
This took about a week to hook up and i gotta say it was mad fun to put this together because it brought the fan out of me. I was in the middle of finishing up the project when the homie Slew hit me up and we started to build about why Nas is so dope and he was dropping so many fly stories i decide to tape it and put it throughout the second act.
Salute to Nas, AZ, Olu Dara, Primo, Pete, Extra P, L.E.S. and Tip for what they did. That album raised a whole generation of MC’s to sit down and really think before they put pen to paper and by extension birthed other classics in that already exceptional era.
So………………..I just got back after performing at TEDx Baltimore. WOWWWWWW. I’ll expound further on the event tomorrow. ( spoiler: IT WAS EPIC ) I’m doing the twitter thing right now and i was asked if i had my lyrics online. I just typed them up yesterday to give them to a lady that was gonna translate it to sign language ( between the experience of typing my lyrics for the first time ever rather than writing them down on paper and seeing a lady signing the words as i was rhyming it was a real epiphany moment ) so here is the first post every of my rhymes. SHAZAM
Where I’m from/ they teach hard work to the daughters and they sons/ kids at the market they used to run/ up to car windows selling dodo/ Muslim cats they get dough/ Hausa ,Yoruba and plus Igbo/ a couple of more/ tribes co-exist on the same side/ women keep babies tied/ to they backs surrounded by gats/ different army cats/ Ikoyi ,V.I., Ikeja, Festact/ African black/ ran streets alley cats/ studied philosophies of hustles/ dude they got a lot of muscle/ working with they hands/ F a work out plan/ most of us natives/ we born creative/ do things innovative/ this is where Fela learned how to play/ and world famous writers learned what to say/ it showed me beauty and it showed me stress/ I seen a man get/ beaten to death/ they left him by the gutter/ never found out why the reasons undiscovered/ my uncles and cousins they got shot/ pandemonium plot/ but the night life showed me how to rock the body body rock the body body rock/ we used to play soccer on blocks/
Seen him gleaming/ weed leaning/ empire steaming/ Victoria station/ meeting a fly Asian/ summertime in London/ BBC watching ITV switching/ London was the first place I got lifted/ hit the spots right/ I’m flying back to Ireland in like/ two nights/ to the Blackrock section/ blue and white rugby jerseys they repping/ no jive very live my girlfriend used to glide/ her tongue on my tongue/ smoke a fat one/ doze in class/ play the hallway with my Walkman on blast/ walk around Grafton street/ Tommy Hilfiger physique/ flirting with Irish chicks mad Joy/chilling at the Savoy/ Fly s**t/ but Dublin is Dublin Live s**t/ was always liable to happen/ them white boys were getting down scrapping/ donnybrook action/ life mixed with passion/ up in Belfast gats were blasting/ school locked us down when they thought beef would happen/ a lot of protests and rallies/ the city architected beautifully/ plus the country had magnificent scenery/
“I wonder (remix)”
My best friends were my headphones/ head blown/ off the melody/ before weed and Hennessey/ self-therapy/ like NLP/ my life’s a crazy flick but the film score is sick/ ever emotion that I had got hit/ I’m dead inside my feelings mad numb/ roots I have none/ living life on the run/ relationships didn’t last/ over too fast/ grab my passport/ pass/ another time zone/ another home/ another hood that I never known/ adapting environment/ I love Depeche Mode but I don’t enjoy silence/ drowning it in boom bap and violins/ cats hate me/ music set me free/ they seen I’m a star in the making too strong to be faking/ when I shine I seen em contemplating/
( Chorus x 2 ) THE PAIN THE LOVE THE STRESS THE SHAKES/ HEADS HELD HIGH WE ACCEPT OUR FATE/ TELL NO LIES RESPECT NO FAKES/ DO IT FROM THE HEART EARN YOUR PAPES/
You know the feeling right?/ in the lab late night/ Styrofoam Chinese food/ ashtray interlude/ writing rhymes at work/ inspiration burst/ like a supernova/ you made an ill melody when you were making quota/ you referenced mythology in your rhyme while mixing coke and baking soda/chemistry/ capitalist philosophy/ peace girl your writing rhymes in your bed room/ sitting at the window sill for extra leg room/ performing at the bar you a genuine star/ five deep in the car/ hit the music seminar dream chase the new Nas he caught a case/ the new illmatic never got release date/ some of us blow/ some of us slow/ to get dough/ but we still making music though/ you can spot us up in guitar center spending mad dough/
We the chosen few/ our life is musical/ it’s beyond a habit/ it’s like magic/ old man 65 play guitar live/ young boy with an SP studying Tribe/ Lady singing the blues till her soul cried soul cried soul cried Lady singing the blues till her soul cried soul cried soul cried ( repeat )
(Chorus x 2)
I was raised by rappers I never met/ my father left me fatherless/ young and searching for wisdom hidden in the dialect/ I learned for certain a dress where you hide a Tec/ same day I learned that sleeps the cousin to death/ mind correct/ heavy intellect/ plus learned respect for gang sets/ life in a capsule/ speak up don’t be bashful /graduate and flip your tassels/ do it like it aint a hassle/ cause the world smiles with you but you cry alone/ same way your gonna rest underneath your tombstone/ I put the polo on and then I think/ grab the water and took a drink/ the seeds grow/ one generation flows/ into the next/ trends resurrect/ I light a cigarette/ deep in introspect/ staring at the taxes that they just took out my paycheck/ hella stressed/ rubbing the back of my neck/
(Chorus x 4) MY PEOPLES HOLD IT DOWN/ DON’T SLEEP OR SHUT IT DOWN/ TAKE A LOOK AROUND THEN YOU FOUND/ YOU’RE HERE NOW
And it gets greater later/ the reanimator/ brought the soul to soul back to life/ back to reality/ can’t control the spite/ perfect your strategy/ don’t fold do it right live like a majesty/ party for the right to fight assault and battery/ talking to shorty/ her name Kenya/ we rolling up and then we chill listen to Enya/ after dinner/ a bunch of naked sinners/politicians argue over who got a right to live/ couldn’t walk a mile in shoes that they did/ senate debating/ got hungry families waiting/ foul shepherds leading blind sheep/ keeps/ drama infinite like bio shock/ life’s a first person shooter but you getting one shot/ if you blow it/ cant reload it/
(Chorus x 4)
And life is game of thrones/ the sinners they chill and throw stones/ some of the kids never make it home/ even without white walkers with rotten bones/ war is king weapons make the iron throne/ some good men they still die disgraced/ just for having guts to stand up in the face/ of wrong/ we know the words sing along/ time is either gonna soften or harden the blow and I seen it all before so I play to win made the choice from within trying to die old and rich with scars on my skin and a satisfied grin/ a hundred years from now everyone is maggot food/ only the lucky get to die feeling gratitude/ balance the attitude/ longitude/ latitude/ move/ put the needle to the groove/
Ivy rest in peace I gotta say Biggie smalls rest in peace I gotta say
2pac rest in peace I gotta say Big L rest in peace I gotta say
Guru rest in peace I gotta say ODB rest in peace I gotta say
Big Punisher rest in peace I gotta say Paul walker rest in peace
(Chorus x 4)
It was written…………………………….shout out Nas.
One day back in ’01 i headed over to the radio station in The University of Maryland to give a copy of my CD to PMD ( who eventually became Peter Rosenberg…..small world huh ) in the hopes of getting it played on the late night show. While there i struck up a convo with this scruffy white kid who knew a lot about hip hop and kept on telling me about this group called Atmosphere. He bought a CD ( which he still has ) and told me he was gonna play a song off it on the radio. It turns out he was interning with Rosenberg and had a couple of nights on the show to himself. Well………….he played the song and invited me back to the show to freestyle ( he still has the tape ) We got very cool and started hanging out a lot, running thru the university, chilling with his crazy college roommates, getting blasted and recording mad songs at G.C.’s lab ( he still has the tapes ) Fam eventually moved south but we stayed in touch and hung out when ever we could ( man i got the memory of blacking out after bar hopping to prove it ) and all that led to this……………the creation of his first ever album. Pretty neat huh.
I’ve worked with a lot of people and i say this is one of those albums that was the most interesting in retrospect. You know how artist always say their first albums “took my entire life up until that point to make” well this was a case of me actually watching parts of the life that ended up on the album take place. nanigan has always been a pull no punches dude ( actually he’s more the throw punches than pull em type haha ) but he also has a good heart and really cares for people even at the expense of himself. He is thoughtful enough to sit for days just to write a few bars but he can also be a cocky bastard that flies off the handle and all that comes splashed across this album in magnificent technicolor for all you crumbs. I watched some of these songs evolve from phone conversations, to song concepts to the actual songs, down the line everything stayed consistent. “2 story condo” went from Bell Atlantic hosted therapy sessions venting about a certain female ( who i met ) to one of my favorite moments on the album. “Mic brawl round two” was born from a studio session many moons ago for a project i was working on and grew into a sequel with the same exact cast of characters. Everything on this album is rooted in reality. I actually met the dude that told nanigan to “keep it Spicoli” and went through one of the nights that inspired “Land of the lotus eaters” and “Put away those fiery biscuits” ( i refer you to the blackout i mentioned earlier ) Countless stories he told me about adolescent hi jinks in Frederick growing up with Ciddida ( who is on the album ) morphed into “Ghosts and goblins” etc. If the great Brad Jordan hadn’t already appropriated the title “The diary” this album could have been a fitting home for it. The album is also extra dope for technical proficiency with rhyming. He is a supreme syllable counter. His patterns of flowing is surgical to say the very least. It was fly to hear this album come together in the aspect of looking to see how he was gonna tackle songs flow wise. It’s been wild to see him evolve stylistically from “the attic sessions” ( he still has the tapes ) to now and he is still growing cause even from demo stage to final stage he would take things further.
I kept the music fly but somewhat understated to let his words soak in. Some of it gets heavy though to reflect the intensity of emotions he puts into the rhymes. I told him i’ve been producing this album since heads been riding around in his Honda that had that damn rawkus sticker on it bumping God loves ugly. Some of it reflects nights navigating around vomiting college kids expelling excess liquor in florescent light kissed streets along Knox road, others reflect the clear field drenched country side roads that blanket myrtle beach. I wanted to evoke feelings of riding shotgun at 4 in the morning on a dutch master and munchies run and also laying in bed staring at ceiling fans like Andre 3000 in “elevators”.
Over the years i have made a lot of music with my crew and nanigan still has those tapes. Now, he has his own tape……………and that is very fucking cool. Salute fam.
On a random brisk November day in Blackrock College ( Dublin Ireland Stand up ) i was walking out the lunchroom to the dorms and i saw the homie Hassan, a fellow African who was a year ahead of me. He called me over and handed me a tape as he usually did. I looked at the cover and stared at it so hard he was like “you okay?” “yeah” i replied half dazed from how scary/interesting/original the cover looked. We talked about how FAT the cover was and how it had a certain hard to place element of intrigue to it. Rap covers at that time were usually straight mean mugging rappers gloriously rocking ghetto attire fit for a king of a future covered in barb wire or some painted/designed pictures a la prog rock/funkadellic albums. But this was different. The masks they rocked appealed to the kid i was, a kid that grew up hooked on Ninja movies. WHO THE FUCK were these guys? We opened it up and i was struck by how even when they showed their faces ( minus the incarcerated members U-God and Method Man ) Ghost stood in the middle still rocking a mask. In the hands of a less grimy group that would have screamed “GIMMICK” but for some reason they had an element of “wow i think the cops might really be looking for this guy” to them that made it seem more necessary than meditated.In the pre internet era where you were forced to use your imagination i had no reference point for the cover to strike me as being reminiscent of……………….I dunno……………..anything. Funny thing is i look at it now and it makes me think of a horror movie in the vein of “SAW” and “The Purge”. Having previously heard “Method man” and “Wu tang aint nuthin to fuck with” i was already stone cold blazed from how fly the music was but was in no way shape or form prepared for the sonic assault to the senses and life altering philosophies i was in for when i pressed play on my walkman.
Wu tang still blows particles from my subconscious 20 years later after a slew of classics that people were salivating over have been awarded the honor of having settled in to the minds of millions. But this is not about the music. Nah Playboy, this is about everything that went into the music. I had a conversation with my fam Rome in the bookstore about it and he was dazed at how many points i brought up. Wu tang as a whole were such a phenomenon because they represented everything beautiful and tragic about the generation we grew up in. I was listening to the Combat jack show ( craaaaaaaaaaaazy show btw ) and an interview N.O.R.E. had with them really put into perspective how fucked up the golden age of hip hop was. Yeah………….i said it…………….FUCKED UP. We were blessed with magnificent music every Tuesday to the point that masterpieces were over looked. ( shout out “All we got iz us”, “The Natural”, “Hold it down” , “The aftermath” [ which had a production line up damn near as potent as "Illmatic"], “The Turnaround: a long awaited drama” etc ) but the n.o.r.e. interview really hit me when he told Combat Jack that he hates to listen to “The War report” ( which i still say is the last of the seminal criminal east coast rap albums ) because it takes him to a dark place. That album was haunted by souls of people that were shot, killed, paralyzed, traumatized etc aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand to top it off Capone was in jail while it was being made. The album has fucking skits of one of the members in jail as your listening to it. Let that sink in. The music was so glorious it was an overwhelming immersing experience to hear it but when N.o.r.e said he wrote that album when he didn’t know how to use his imagination it fucked me up because it really dawned on me that that lines like “put the bogey out in your face” and “bloody up your goose/ now who scream for truce/” were more diary entries than action movie script. I also thought of the underlining sense of rage that seethed through a lot of the best hardcore albums. You had to be a certain kind of person to appreciate the beauty in a loud abrasive drum loop and to take samples that came from love songs and turn them into the beat you could rap about witnessing a close friend die to. A lot of people lost their lives for albums like “The infamous”,”Illmatic” and “Enta da stage” to be born. I also thought about all the crack fiends and shattered families i saw on a recurring basis when i was in Greenbelt MD/D.C. and the sheer numbers of them it took to give birth to an album like “only built 4 cuban linx” and the fact that screaming “Bring da muthafuckin RUCKUS” that convincingly suggests a life where violent encounters had been honed to the point of muscle memory. Wu tang was the voice of those left to die ( Ironically, the only kind of people that would survive if the world suddenly turned to mad max like conditions ) and they instead impressed everybody out in the world with their display of marvelous talent and wisdom because they are hip hop and that is what hip hop does. Hip hop is not having a band and wanting to make music, hip hop is not having access to galleries to display your art, hip hop is not having shit but what is laying within arms reach and then turning that shit into gold that shits out diamonds. These dudes were high school dropouts that were smart as fuck ( the facts of Rza becoming a chess champion and Harvard…..yeah that Harvard invited the GZA to come and speak to their students attests volumes to that ) based on 5% teachings and a life where knowledge of everything from social customs and economic strategies to how to read body language literally held the keys to life and death. I thought about people i met that one second detailed extreme acts they committed ( the kicker is when they tell you how much doing certain things fucked with them psychologically afterwards ) and the next spoke to me about how to build a computer from scratch or something else that required a lot of brain capacity to do and Wu tang took on another level of importance because they showed that when the people were shipped off to places to die, their captors didn’t notice they were carrying books, lots of books. They were also armed with the same curiosity we all had as children. As they grew up they were inspired by Bruce Lee and watched, the killer, Voltron and Underdog too just like the children of the people that condemned them.
They were also the generation raised by parents who were around to talk about “That brother Malcolm X” from a first person perspective. They were jagged reflections of Black people that fought for dignity and carried themselves with an air of class ( i mean damn look at dudes like Sidney Poitier, Gordon Parks, Miles Davis etc black folk sure can get fly and classy when we feel like it ) The slacks turned to army fatigues but the self love that poured through even made a champion hoody look as flashy as a Hefner robe or a Sinatra tux. The idea of unity was also strong enough to outgrow neighborhood beefs between members and showed how people can put aside past hurts for a better future which is lucrative for all, something y’all politicians out there can STILL stand to learn from. These dudes didn’t send someone to shoot for them, they did the shooting and were still able to come to the round table and work it out. If they didn’t they could have all died like their captors intended. But one did die……………….DAMN. Not in the war zone as intended but on the other side. In the tradition of countless other talents that succumbed to the temptress of intoxication. The war zone they came from is pre packaged with trauma and people cope with trauma several ways, the most popular being chemical. This reminds me of people i saw heroin swallow up whole around the way only to spit them back out as hollow cheeked zombie like folks and the friends i have that casually push the limits of their tolerance at the expense of their health. Sad. “After laughter comes tearz” R.I.P. Russell Jones and the others that fell.
People try and articulate what made the group as great as they were and it aint that deep. Look at where they came from and it will make sense cause of how it doesn’t make sense. I can relate to that cause i come from a place where we earn our scars and learn to give them back at a tender age no matter how secure financially we are and i chose to live a life where me and my people still wonder how something horrible kept on narrowly escaping us and oh yeah violent trauma and i have been on a first name basis for a while now, so even though i’m not a NYC 70’s baby like the Wu was, i get it. I also was blessed to see a lot of things and places and stayed curious about stuff that “Black people weren’t into” so even though i wasn’t a project kid reading up on Bobby Fischer or walking into a Chinatown store to buy books based on Asian culture that was thousands of miles away from where i was from, i get it. Voltron is the shit, i get it. But really, Voltron is the shit, i mean it. This album was followed by others from the crew that shook up hip hop as hard as this one did but it will forever be know as the first step of a thousand mile journey. The kid’s didn’t die, they grew up, the scars didn’t disappear they just don’t hurt as much and the books they carried into the killing fields didn’t burn, these brothers just put it on wax and still told kids to go read the books. Rap music now is based on what you have when before it was showing what you could do with what you didn’t have. Not saying it’s good not saying it’s bad it just is. I’m always happy to see people feeding their family in a positive way. When i visited New York last i heard this guy say “the bad times are gone” people actually feel safer. Is that a bad thing? No, of course not. But sometimes it’s good to remember what overcoming adversity feels like cause that is the spirit that birthed the Wu movement and looking at this clip from Method Man reminds me that even without big jewelry on someone dressed in a skull cap and a simple winter jacket can be just as fly as anyone with a mink coat on when they can spit stuff as intelligent as this……………..
Represented for TEAM SAVAGE DOG and our short film “Special Delivery” last night at the 48 hour Film project premiere. It was surreal to see our film on the big screen and then pose for pictures outside on some hollyhood shit. Saw a lot of great movies from up and coming film makers. I got a lot of compliments about the music i did for it so that really made my day.
Photo by: Denee Barr http://www.deneebarrartnews.blogspot.com/
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH High school. The wonder years. I was a kid in boarding school in Ireland. Running thru Dublin bugging out and soaking in all the Hip hop i could find. I was such a fiend that i remember being in Abbey Discs and buying the “I got ya opin” vinyl even though i didn’t have a record player and having the dude that worked there play the whole shit ( instrumentals included ) and record it to a tape for me. ( Shit i still got the tape i think ) I was ecstatic that they had the joint on import cause when i saw the video on Yo MTV Raps i NEEDED that song in my life. Abbey discs was also cool cause of the people i wold meet there. I’ll never forget the day this one Irish dude and i got into one of the most detailed conversations about hip hop production i ever had. I had never even thought about making music at that point, i was just a fan, but i remember the way homeboy was breaking down the Al Green drum break in “Mahogany” and telling with me that it was better on that than on the “Tried by 12″ joint. I was like “WOW dude really knows his shit.” Hell, i didn’t even really know what a fucking drum break was back then. Sampling was Fuzzy to me. I just knew the music put me in a zone and i assumed people made it with keyboards or bands or some shit. One fateful day when i was in school the big homie Hassan called me over and handed me an “Enter the wu tang ( 36 chambers)” tape and life as i knew it would not be the same for the next few decades as the Staten Island crew BLEW particles off my brain. I heard about the clan for a while and i heard “Method man” and “Wu tang aint nutting to fuck with” so i was drooling to hear the album. The cover hit me the most the first time i got it. CARTEL did a fucking fantastic job with the artwork cause you couldn’t see their faces on some ill Ninja shit. I had never seen an album cover like that before and i was struck. It looked like a damn movie poster or something. When i got back to the dorm, grabbed my walkman and popped in the tape and heard “Shaolin shadowboxing and the wu tang sword style. If what you say is true the shaolin and the wu tang could be dangerous” it was OVER. The rhyming, the beats, and everything was just too next level. I remember i played it for a couple of the dudes there and heads kept on trying to borrow the tape. I must have dubbed that 36 chambers album for like 7 cats before i even gave the joint back to Hassan. ( Who by the way i was ducking cause i didn’t wanna give that tape back ha ha ). With the exception of “Iron man” i bought all the solo albums while i was still in boarding school too. Hell, i still get Flash backs to to riding the bus to Grafton street every time i hear “Knowledge God” or “Sub Crazy”. Heads in school were really feeling the Wu as well. I lost track of the amount of times i heard “Protect ya neck” or “Diary of a madman” blasting through somebody’s boombox. Back then most cats that were into hip hop were more into the west coast artists ( Ice-t, Cypress Hill and House of pain got a lot of airplay i remember ) but when the Wu hit it just had all kinds of people open. From those years Wu tang has always been the greatest rap group of all time to me. If you think i ain’t keeping it a 100. Ask anyone that i got into a heated “Wu tang is the best of all time” discussion with.
The First time i ever heard U2 was when i was living in VA. I remember being in the whip with my family and the radio being on and “With or without you” being played a lot. Something about that song just always stuck out as being beautiful but sorrowful. Ironically when i was living in Ireland i was not into U2 cause i was such a “strictly hip hop” kid. I remember hearing the “Joshua Tree”, “Zooropa” and “Achtung baby” bumping but i would tune it out cause i felt “That’s that other shit” Damn shame cause i still remember the way everyone in school was going crazy cause of this one show U2 was gonna play, in retrospect i wish i went cause as much as i love their music now it would mean so much to have the memory of seeing them live. As i grew up i fell in love with U2’s music. They have mad emotional power and a dope cinematic feel to their music that started to resonate more as time went by and i began to understand great music is great music regardless of genre. But i cant front even back then i was digging the joint that had the Edge rhyming on it. The video was crazy too. When i hear U2’s music now it give me a feeling i cant even describe. That shit just hits me like “Thank God i’m alive to hear this”. As i got more of their albums i also respected the fact that they always reinvented themselves. I can understand why some who swore by “WAR” may think “POP” was too out there musically but hey……………..THE MUSIC WAS ALWAYS CRAZY. Bottom line. I love the fact they always did what they felt like doing cause no matter what the fuck they did they always had joints that would send a chill down my spine when i hear it start. U2 gets into the same zone of some deeeeeeeeeeeeep soul music. Think of the feeling you get when Marvin goes “ohhhhhhhhhh makes me wanna holler the way they do my life” in “Inner city blues”, that soul music that is so raw and strong it actually burns. U2 takes that and spreads it over mad various styles of rock. Crazy!!!!!!
Putting this project together was fun. I originally planned on doing something like my “Black faith mixtape” with Depeche Mode but one random day the name WU2 popped in my head and i couldn’t get it out. I went and grabbed the vocals and when i put em together it was Zen like the way it all fit. Even down to the titles of the songs and the way U2’s music matched the feel of the Wu’s rhymes when blended together. It took about 5 days for the production ( i did the beats for “Love in Daytona” “Holla First” “God’s Zoo” and “Run to the Exit” on the same day matter fact ) and 2 days of mixing in the vocals. When it was all said and done and i listened to it i caught a very ILL feeling.
I hope yall enjoy it
The big homie over at Praverb.net graced me with the opportunity to do an interview. He kept the questions funky. Fun interview to do for sure.
Shout out to Praverb.net for all the fly info put up for all us indie cats on our grind. Very informative site for sure and provides a lot of great reads that sparks up the hustle right.
Peep the interview here
R.I.P. Heath Ledger. The words posted on the VDB WU TANG mountain blogspot hit me like an enclosed fist, rocking my brain into a state of heavy contemplation. I wasn’t a fan of dude ( although i was excited to see the spin he gave on the Joker in the previews for the upcoming Batman flick ) but death is a very touchy subject for me right now since i lost my sister last month. I wasn’t going to write about this but seeing as how since i read about dude just a few minutes ago and have been feeling this weird feeling in my gut since ( not to mention the fact that while at the movies yesterday watching Cloverfield, the part when dude had to tell his mom his brother died had hit me hard as well ) I figured i may as well get this shit out of me in any way i can.
Death is a strong motherfucker. You never realize it’s power to devastate life until it strikes close to home. As a kid it was something i knew about but never fully understood. my earliest memory of it was riding through Lagos and seeing a boy and his little sister laid out on the street after what had to be a hit and run. From the window of the car i only saw their motionless, scrapped up, blood soaked bodies for a few seconds but i can still vividly recall the scene till this day. The second time it hit me was in Dublin when the janitor in Blackrock college passed away. I used to buy candy from him at one of the schools tuck shops ( spots where students could buy candy and little pastries ) and then all of a sudden me and the rest of the boarding school students are walking single file viewing his body in a casket. When i started to run with more thug type cats in Greenbelt during the late nineties they told me countless stories of friends and family that died or got murdered ( sometimes right in front of them ) in places like Franklin ave Brooklyn, south west Philly and south east D.C. the thing that struck me about it the most were the rituals they had. Everything from the time worn tradition of pouring out liquor, to the way on the anniversary of his friends murder Dry Tearz would roll up a dutch and burn it down without smoking it , to the tattoo Troub had on his arm that read “Thank you Lord for this day, thank you Lord for this wonderful day” which is what his moms used to say in church when she was alive. Reminders. Reminders of times shared, but more painfully reminders of the fact that those memories are all that is left.
The power of death is always strong cause as an observer of somebody’s grief you cant fully understand the emotional and mental hell the person has to sustain but you can feel a small dose of it’s power through their suffering. Before dec 29th i had only every cried over my cousin Maurice’s death this one day walking through Hyattsville bumping Nas’s “sometimes i wonder” on my discman ( the third verse did it for me yo ). Now stress and drama are nothing new to me and a couple of times life had been so hard that the kid let off a few tears just to get those negative feelings out. But I HAVE NEVER CRIED LIKE I DID WHEN IVY DIED. Man listen, that shit was horrible. Stress, pain and drama i had been accquianted with but never straight full fleged DEVASTATION. Air wasn’t the same, food was’nt the same, music which always served as my therapy for the first time ever in my life was hard to make. My liver is still mad at me for all that bacardi i was downing and even the la spot cats are kinda concerened that i am blowing more dutches than ever. At the drop of a dime my demeanor switches from happy to depressed according to others, and i find myself not wanting to be around people as much. The most painful things are the memories. The fun we had, schools we went to, fights we had, the sound of her voice, the way she stayed fly, her bulletproof swagger, the way she could walk with everybody from celebs to real live street cats, the way she used to sing “sweet home Alabama” at random times, her kids, the way she used to tell me to go hard with the music, they way she used to dance, run track, play pranks on me, days we used to team up and pick on my little sister, the way her and my oldest sister used to talk, the way that every fly country i had ever lived in she was there too. EVERYTHING, AND THEY ALL HURT. The last time i hugged her was a few years ago cause when you live the life of drifters you tend to accept that people come and go in your life all the time but if i had know that would be it i wouldn’t have let her or her kids go. The way i came up was that Family was sacred. I put my music goals on hold for a minute cause mom dukes and my little sis needed help with getting by so i hold them down with rent, when Ivy came over last i gave her my room and slept on the couch, when i’m fucked up in the game my older sis holds me down eventhough she has her own bills, that’s how we get down. But when ivy died for the first time we were powerless to help her, no money we could send or compassion we could lend could help her and that was one of the things that hurt most.
When i sat down to write this i didn’t know what i was looking to accomplish by the end of it. The pain is still raw and the reminders are still there. I don’t know how this is going to continue to affect me down the line. Some people go through this and go crazy the others become motivated. Me being my usual oddball self I’ll probably do both. My heart goes out to the Ledger family and all those that lost a loved one. One love, stay strong, mourn their death and represent their life.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER ( my soul cries )
“Durable physically fit raps articulate/ you get your whole skeleton cracked something ridiculous/” DAMN !!! It’s a shame that very few artist in the game can still kick shit as visually stunning as that. Ah! Hell on Earth. An album that marked transitions in so many ways it’s crazy. The drums havoc flipped still had that stone hard feel ( perfectly described by my man OX as “the type of snare that makes you blink involuntarily when that shit drops” ) , but also sported the cleaness that would eventually dominate mainstream rap’s sound. The Infamous Mobb appearacne was also significant in the sense that The Alchermist was brought in through their affiliation with DJ Muggs. On a personal note 96 was the year that i came back over here after 3 years of living in Ireland doing the boarding school thing. ( Blackrock STAND UP ) While kicking it with my cousins in London ( where i always spent holidays at ) i saw the review for the G.O.D. father part 3 single in the Source and was fiending for it in Europe but copped it in Greenbelt MD ( Springhill Lake STAND UP ) , so the album also represents a big transitional period in my life being where i went from classy to fly and ashy.
Which brings me to the main point about why music is life for me. I went from balling out in spots like Paris and Knightsbridge to busting my ass working over at Alabama ave in Southeast D.C. and living in the Kirkwood apartments in Hyattsville ( where my man Stix from Franklin ave in B.K. swore that the buildings reminded him of some low rise projects down to the corner store ) and no matter where i was at, Music always had a way of overpowering anything that was going on in life. For example, sticking with the Mobb deep theme. I remenber waiting on Grafton Street in the city center of Dublin to link up with this chick i met at the movies. To kill time i jetted up the block from the McDonalds i was supposed to meet her to see what was new at H.M.V. Walking downstairs to where you could find their rap section i walked up and i saw it. The big “IT”. Staring me in my dumbstruck face baring a sticker that read IMPORT was the cover of Mobb Deeps “The Infamous”. Top 40 shit was bumping through the in store speakers, dozens of people buzzed around buying and selling shit and the only thing that i was aware of was the the bone chilling guituar riff of “shook ones part 2″, the relentlessly evil undertone Havoc served up using bass and drums spliced together flawlessly on “cradle to the grave” ( the track that made me start putting vinly static on my beats for extra ambiance ) and the way that the sample used on “if it’s alright with you” ( WHY WAS THIS TRACK NOT ON THE ALBUM )gave me a warm yet sad feeling everytime i heard it. Oh! by the way , big up to Tim Westwood for playing these tracks on his show before the album dropped. Needless to say i copped it, stood shorty up ( it’s all good cause i was wrong for trying to cheat on my girl any way ) hopped on the train back to school, pressed play and was immediately struck by the haunting string plucks of “start of your ending”. ( COT DAMN!!!! THAT BEAT IS STILL HARD AS HELL 12 YEARS AFTER IT CAME OUT ) from start to finish nothing else mattered. On the flipside one day coming home from work in D.C. I was exhausted beyond anything i had experienced before. Rent was looming, stress in the crib and various other things were kicking your boy in the the teeth. Jumping off the greenline train in Hyattsville i was mad tight at the world. I had my heaphones off for the train ride cause i was reading ( now and then i go through a bookworm phase ) after exiting the station i threw my joints on cause cars, busses and hundreds of people just as tired as you are is not really a relaxing soundtrack. I skipped the J-Love “Hidden darts” Mixtape to “The Sun” and from the intro( with Ghost talkin over lush strings and a flute so serene that it could put anybody in a beautiful coma ) to the outro, nothing else mattered. Rent was still due but music was still more powerful than stress. When the headphones came off the stress was still there but for that little while i was bulletproof to that shit and that is why to me music is life. I read somewhere that Egyptians used to say that music was medicine for the soul and i feel that way too. That’s why die hard wu tang fans that never knew each other can stop and have a 40 minute convo with each other based on nothing but the heavy love we got for the killa beez ( whut up Reynard the grandmaster of the wu tang collections )
I thank God for every little good and bad time i had in life cause ultimately it made me a better writer and producer. Cats ask me how i can make sample free beats like “beautiful scarz” that tend to have a lot of emotion seeped in without any formal training. ( shit i flunked music theory class with an incomeplete grade ) The answer is this. Any one of my fam that has seen me loose my mind at a show when a certain song drop’s or seen me jump out my seat scraeming when they hit me with a cd i’ve been dying to hear, they have the key, which is. I LOVE THIS SHIT. Fuck it. Thats all. Solo single no more no less. I’m a fully operational music geek. I’m the dude that reads album credits meticulously cause i want to know everything about that shit cause music just has that effect on me. I dont kow if my zodiac sign has anything to do with it. I rock the Aquairius sign ( fellow cats like Dr. Dre famous for his marathon studio sessions know about the love and from what i read about him the late great J Dilla knew too. note: I am NOT comparing myself to these legends so dont go flying off the handle ) and people say that cats like us bang out joints too much due to a heavy love for creativity, but if that’s what makes somebody happy why brake that love.
Before i bounce let me hit you with this havoc line that just passed ( I really do got that that Hell on earth shit on the side of me ) “hit you up/ from the waist up/ thats how it is and how it is is kinda fucked up/ but the beats banging/ got your whole click singing/ on the corner while it’s ringing/” Life is gonna stay fucked up and complicated but evryone from thugs on the corner to stressed out white kids in mosh pits, to grown folks catching a show by The Manhattans can attest that just TURNING UP THAT GOOD SHIT AND ENJOYING IT always has a good effect.